It's a wonder how many things could happen in a few days - not ordinary things, but life changing ones that could either make or break relationships, alter plans, change emotions, teach life lessons.
The week started a bit slow. I found myself counting days. Day 1. Day 2. Day 3... What caused my anxiety? What brought me to tears? It's that one morning when I thought that everything went terribly wrong. That I was made to fall in love only to give it up at the same moment I had the courage to utter the three words I refused to admit to myself and to that significant person for a while. I convinced myself that what I did was right. Others agreed. Some disagreed. I was torn.
And I was sad. heartbroken. frustrated.
But in the middle of it all, I knew I was/am loved. A selfless kind. And I am trying to learn to love in the same way.
After Day 3, I gave up giving up. I have realized that in some circumstances, we cause our own misery. We choose to harbor pain, we choose brokenness because things do not appear to be the way we want them to be. I realized that happiness lies in accepting life events that cannot be changed. That it can be found in loving someone without conditions. No matter how idealistic it may sound.
So after Day 3, I chose to be happy.
With what I got. With what God has given me. With what my heart cries for. I chose to bring back our friendship because truth be told, it was the first thing I fell in love with.
I decided to smile again, with him. And maybe learn the purpose of everything with the wisdom that he's got, with the realizations I'd eventually have, with God in His overflowing mercy and love who willed for all of these to happen, in order for us to be individuals more capable of loving.
I am totally unsure of what lies ahead. One thing I've been reminded time and again is that I am terribly bad at keeping promises to myself most especially. I fail big time. But failures are necessary to success, right? I guess, now (more than ever) I need other people's clarity of mind. I need prayers. I need courage to face my fears. I need to be understood and to understand.
We all have challenges in life. And at one point, we don't see the sense of it all, if they do ever make sense. But believe me (and believe in yourself) that things come about for a reason. And there are better days ahead.