We Love You and Miss You, Mommy/Nanay/Lola
I grew up being grandma's girl. I called her mommy, she didn't want to be called "lola" (grandma) because she was relatively young when she had grandchildren. She lived miles away from us and so her occasional visits were sweet treats for myself and my siblings (you know how much grandmothers pamper their grandchildren). On her visits, I would sleep by her side every single night. I would snuggle close to her. I remember being awakened by the soft recitation of her morning prayers in the early hours of the day - that she did without fail her entire life. I also remember that one morning when I woke up with a bag of candies beside me instead of Mommy. She had left very early that day to go back to the province. I remember running outside of the house on the street with my bag of candies, crying and calling her name. But she was gone. My father held me and he just laughed telling me she would be back next time as I cried bucket of tears, hugging the bag of sweets. On her next visits, I would tell her to wake me up before leaving. Most times she didn't because I needed to sleep well she said. I would always cry finding her gone in the morning. Always.
On Oct. 7, 2010 at 12:10 in the morning, Mommy left in her usual way - without waking me up, without letting me know. And I knew she would never come back. She left peacefully on the Feast Day of Our Lady of the Holy Rosary, faithful to her name - Rosa. There was no bag of candies to pacify my sobs but Mommy had given me sweet memories I can always go back to whenever I feel so sad and alone. Life will not be the same without her but I am just very grateful that God had given me an angel here on earth, and now, another angel in heaven.
I am deeply sad because I wasn't able to show her how much I love her and I appreciate all the good things she had done for me. I thought I still had time. That I could still hug and kiss her, tell her I love her, take more pictures with her, give her gifts. I thought there would be a next time.
But then, I am also comforted by the thought that she is now in a better place. I know Mommy had lived a good life, she was able to experience a lot of great things even though hardships weren't scarce as well. I know that she had helped many people, not only her family. I know that her prayerful character and her persevering and good spirit have earned her a place in the arms of God. I know that even without her physical presence, she will always be with me not only on remarkable occasions but even in the ordinary days as I continue to achieve my dreams - dreams that she also dreamed for me. I know this because she was with me every step of the way when she was alive - death cannot rip away the good person that she was.
I am missing you so much! There are moments when I still can't believe that you're gone. But I will continue to live life knowing that you are watching over me. That just like before, you will cry with me in my despair and smile with me in my triumphs. I will always love you and I will never forget the valuable lessons you taught me. I know that you are with Papay now - the man you loved the most even when you used to say otherwise :) Thank you for everything. I can never repay you but I will try my very best to be the granddaughter that you can be proud of.
And just like in the lines of your favorite Beatles song, I want to let you know that "I love you forever and forever, love you with all my heart. Love you whenever we're together, love you when we're apart".