Let Go and Let God
"Of course, you want to control so everything happens in just the way you want it. But at the end of the day, we control nothing - it's all in God's hands, has always been, and will always be. So, do what you can, and then let go, and let God handle the rest."I've always admitted that I am such a worrier. And when things do not seem to fall in their proper places, or when everything is just out of my control, I break down. I cry as if there's no tomorrow. I cry until my tears choke me. I cry until I see nothing. There are times when I just feel so helpless and there's nothing left to do but shed those tears.
Crying is normal, it's our body's biological response to anything that is just too much to bear - extreme happiness, intense anger, agonizing pain, so on and so forth. And today was such a worrisome day that I cried bucket of tears right in my work station while typing my updates, unmindful of the people around me. Because once again, I felt like the weight of the world is on me. And I am so damn tired.
What made me cry?
It's the thought that someone needs my help but I have nothing to give. I have, a little... but giving what is left of me is suicidal. I can empty my pockets but it makes me crazy thinking about what I'd do next.. how to survive, how to fulfill my other obligations. But isn't it the greatest sacrifice? Giving your all until it already hurts? What good is giving when it comes from one's excess? I know in my heart, I am not ready to sacrifice everything. I am not brave enough to turn a blind eye and just surrender everything to God's mercy. This is such a painful truth. I cannot trust God enough. And this makes me cry all the more.
But, God's message today is "Do what you can, and then let go, and let Me do the rest". He is telling me trust Him at a time when I feel like I can't trust anyone but myself. Again, I am reminded not to worry, because God will somehow help me find a way out of this problem. He is telling me not to get tired of helping because he'll make sure my cup will be filled.
So... I'll try. Even if it hurts. Even if I have to cry again. I will let God take control.
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