I Am Sorry (For the Nth Time)

Tuesday, February 21, 2012 Nicajoice 0 Comments

Sometimes, when I'm trying to find something while rushing to work in the morning, I wish i could do "control F". Life would have been a lot easier. And whenever I hurt someone through my words or my deeds, I wish I had in my hands the power to undo things. You know, the way we edit stuff while typing - control Z.

Lately, I've been told how much I am being mean to some people. It's not that I am totally unaware of it. Because at some point, I have realized that I am indeed hurting people unintentionally. Yes, I guess it's never in my nature (or to the majority of us) to deliberately do things to cause damage to others. In fact, when I am angry, I avoid saying anything. I keep quiet, shut my doors, walk away. I do not confront. I talk only when I have calmed down and ready to listen.

I guess what I am trying to say is that I feel bad I'm causing pain to others. I know how it feels to be hurt over and over. And it's disheartening to know that I'm doing the exact thing I despise.

So, I am sorry.

I'm really sorry. Maybe I've said it several times and have not changed since. Maybe you're tired of me saying this as if I don't mean it. The truth is, I'm just so scared to show what I truly feel. And I'm so bad at expressing affection it comes out offensive. (What is wrong with me??? Seriously). I can't promise I will never hurt you again. If I ever do (hurt you again), believe me it is not a conscious act. I will try my very best to be kind. To be considerate. To be patient. To be less immature.

Whenever I can't control the circumstances, I will find the strength within me to at least take control of my emotions. If that doesn't work, I'd bow down in humility and ask for forgiveness again, even for the nth time.