Wee Hours

Tuesday, December 06, 2011 Nicajoice 0 Comments

I spend much time thinking (about so many things) before going to sleep. I have a very vivid imagination so instead of finding myself exhausted, too much thinking perks up my brain which makes that sought after slumber so much more elusive.

There was a time when slipping into dreamland was such a struggle,  I stayed up staring at nothingness for three hours, while my mind was elsewhere - planning; reflecting; tracing back past conversations; searching for memories; remembering faces; dreaming with eyes open.
Lately, I have realized, I've never really prayed sincerely in a while. Yes, I give thanks. I ask for things. But it was more like a whisper to the wind, a shout out to the universe, or have I been too comfortable with the assurance that whenever, wherever, God hears me? Even when I don't make the sign of the cross or even when I am just lying there in the dark, or even when my mind wanders somewhere else while I utter the words that are directed to God. They say, our actions are prayers too. But I have not been good at that either. I feel guilty. Because in a while, I have failed to just stop for a moment, keep quiet and listen to His  Word. In the past few days, I've been avoiding silence. I chase after the company of other people because stillness bores me, scares me, makes me sad.

I miss intimate moments with God. I have been too consumed with worldly concerns and other worries I forgot that my only refuge is in His arms. The next time I'm up in the wee hours, I'll take it as a hint that I have something to tell Him or that He has something to tell me. And perhaps, turn the hours more productive by praying.